True Happiness is Having Wings

February 2009.

I awoke from a dream in which my grandmother was dying. Another thing to feel uneasy about when waking up to go to work. I climbed down my loft bed while I rubbed my eyes, trying to shake off the feeling of something missing that had become routine.

I walked slowly to work  and listened to a song that always takes me back to my time in Costa Rica so vividly that I can still smell the banana plantation after the rain, can still hear the calypso band we danced to under the stars, can still feel the sand between my toes, and the wholeness feeling of being surrounded by like minded people in a foreign country laughing until we cried without cell-phones, internet or cars. I missed that.

Something had to change.

My year of “work experience” in corporate America had become 2 years too long, too many hours wasted pretending I was working while starring at a screen, counting my lost brain cells and rolling my eyes at my coworkers when they walked away from my desk.

Something had to change.

I can’t remember the exact moment that I decided to make a change instead of continuously thinking about it. But when it finally came it happened so fast.  I put in my 30 day notice on my apartment. I set my mind on Central America, sent a mass e-mail to friends and family, bought a one way plane ticket, took a deep breath and walked into my boss’ office to resign.

I gave away most of my things except my clothes, pictures and books, I  ignored everyone who asked “with the economy this bad?” “all by yourself?” “why”  and embraced so deeply everyone that said “yes” “go live” “you are so lucky.”

This past January was the start and end to so many pivotal things in my life. Coincidentally this was the month my mom left what was my home through my middleschool, highschool and community college years. I sat outside our house for the very last time waiting for a ride to the airport leaving so many memories behind, knowing I’d be doing the same thing just a few weeks later in my San Francisco apartment.

When the day came I literally and figuratively left everything behind and embraced change. My heart beat so fast, my stomach was in knotts, I felt everything : excitement, fear, sadness, happiness. I closed my eyes took a deep breath, and dove in head first into the most unknown adventure of my life.

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5 thoughts on “True Happiness is Having Wings

  1. Fluent In Frolicking says:

    As I face the last few days of my journey before steeping foot on American soil again I am terrified of being sucked back into the American Corporate Dream! Let’s get the hell out of there and run to Peru!

    As always your words are so beautifully stated…

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